Cover of Night

21 December 2013

The longest night of the year.

Plenty of time to let the darkness drape around me, hold me in its still embrace.

But is it enough time to grieve for you?

Can I take my time, somehow letting each nook and crevice of my brain accept, believe, absorb the loss?

Or do I have to hurry up and mourn you while the darkness lasts, knowing the darkness will seep away too soon, leaving a cold light from which my sorrow will have to scurry into the nooks and crevices of my brain,

Hiding from the glare of day, waiting for soft cover of night to come out, unashamed, to stretch.

I wish this long night would be even longer.

Stretch so long that I could pour out all my sorrow into it…

Grieve and grieve.

My tears falling into the dark night as though onto black velvet.

Soft.

Soundless.

More:

Now that the longest night is here I realize I’ve tried too hard to ‘move on’. Now that the longest night is here, I realize I am not ready for the promise of light.

I want to stay in the dark with my grief. Hold it to me, as thought I’m holding my boy close.

I’m not ready for a future without him.