November 2013
Dear Mom,
Well, I hear you’re still around (somewhere). I can’t wait to see you again. It’s been a long time–thirty one years. More time without you than with you.
My life has turned out to be pretty hard. I used to feel sorry for you, but my life has turned out difficult too–losing Vaughn–and Don. I know you will be taking good care of Vaughn. He is the sweetest thing, isn’t he? And so handsome. Maybe that doesn’t exist where you are.
Your must be wise now, Mom. I can’t say you were very wise here, to be honest. You brought on a lot of your own suffering, at least as far as Dad went. I was dismayed when George said you were with Dad–I hope that was some kind of misunderstanding. Or at least not “together” in a way that’s causing you suffering.
So I have a question for you: What should I do? I have (X?) number of years left to live. And I am mostly, or often, pretty miserable. It doesn’t seem like the way to go. I’m sick about Vaughn, of course. And I’m surprised to find that I’m pretty much alone. Livia is my only family. I don’t even know if I want more family. Don and Vaughn and Livia were my family and maybe I didn’t appreciate that enough. But I didn’t cause Don to drink. And I didn’t plan for him to roll the jeep. I certainly didn’t want Vaughn to take the road he did–my precious baby.
But all of that happened. And here I am. Still standing. Still breathing. What should I do?
I don’t want to spend whatever time I have left being miserable.
Vaughn's Mom 