Friend

25 July 2018

My friend visited me today.

My not very nice friend–more of a frenemy.

The one who tells me, or ‘reminds’ me, of how and why I’m responsible for Vaughn dying.

Very hard to argue with that friend. Because I could have done so many things differently. Because I could have been kinder. Mainly, it seems to me now, I could have been wiser.

I don’t seem to be able to break ties with this friend, even though she makes me feel like shit. She makes me cry. She makes me feel worthless and stupid.

Like I said–not a very good friend.

I don’t think I owe that friend anything. Vaughn knows my pain. He knows my regret. He knows my love.

Vaughn forgives me. I’m sure he does.

This friend is not helping me. She is not helping Vaughn. She is not helping the world.

This is a friend I don’t need in my life anymore.