19 January 2017
The clouds still puff up to the south. A little bird cheeps across the sky in front of them. And the bare grey branches of the chestnut shine after the rain.
I c0uld join this world. But I can’t. Because it is all merrily manifesting away while Vaughn is no longer manifest. No longer here in the manifested world.
I suppose you could say that I’m here whether I want to be or not. But to willingly join in? To voluntarily step forward, say ‘OK, I’m in’? That’s another story.
That would be leaving Vaughn behind. How can I join a world he is no longer part of? How can I abandon my baby?
And yet this is what acceptance appears to demand.
Maybe I’ll find some other way around it. Be able to look at it from a different perspective. But for now I’m on the edge: observing the world but not really prepared to fully step into it.
Vaughn's Mom 