Pierce

6 February 2018

My son died…

My son died…

That cannot be…

That cannot be!

Nearly five years now and still those same thoughts and feelings, those same exact word pierce my soul. This is a fact, and yet I cannot grasp it. Still.

My child–his body lifeless on the bed. No breath–no more breaths ever. No pulse.

How can this be? How will I ever understand?

I can’t. I just go on–not understanding. A chunk of my life removed. Like a calved glacier. It can’t be reattached. The part of me that goes forward, that lives, that can be happy and feel love–I don’t really understand that person. Surely it can’t be the same one who lost her child. She could never be happy. She is in everlasting pain. Everlasting horror and pain.