Secret

February 2015

This terrible knowledge. That Vaughn died.

I carry it like a heavy locket around my neck. It’s there when I shower, when I dance, when I work out and when I eat. It’s there when I talk to friends, when I laugh and when I cry.

It’s a kind of secret–other people mostly don’t see it. But I can feel it always–softly touching my skin and swaying under my clothes.

I don’t take if off when I sleep–I wake up with it still there every morning.

In fact, I can never take it off. I will never lose it, and no one can steal it from me. I’ve actually grown somewhat accustomed to its weight–it’s like a part of me now.

Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to break the chain it hangs from. Because that chain connects me to Vaughn.–my memories of him and my hope of seeing him again.